Thank goodness for wonderful friends on facebook finding new friends for me who write on my kind of topics!
Todays fabulous offering is from Tracey Smiths Blog- a poem about her Mooncup! 🙂 brilliant!…
A New, Green Time of the Month – by Tracey Smith
The time of the month was approaching,
And the time had arrived to say ‘NO’,
I’d been using disposable wotsits,
Internal and pad style….you know.
I added the cost up one morning
Of a couple of boxes a month,
Plus the liners with wings, all ends up in the bin,
20 quid mopping up me own blood.
But it wasn’t just that that inspired me,
I’ve been thinking about it for years,
Those tiny bleached-white little wotsits,
In my deepest dark creases, I’ve fears.
That they’re not really meant to be up there,
We’re designed to just let it all flow,
It’s like blocking a dam, with a fleecy fat ram,
With no bloody exit to go.
And I reckon that’s why we get cramp there,
The body’s a clever ole thing,
With that mouse in the way, it’s the body’s own way,
Of squeezing it out AND the string!
And one day I sat down at the pooter,
I spent time researching and by chance I,
Found a great stack of links, between these little white things,
That I’d trusted for years, linked to cancers.
So I made up my mind there and then, it was time,
For alternative period attire,
In me lunch-break, I nipped into Bootses,
Disposable Only on those shelves; how dire.
So I went to a Natural Health shop,
Expecting hippies with roll ups and dreads,
But the lady inside was quite ‘normal’ (a Brummie),
Not a Rizzla in sight and she said.
‘I’ve taken a consignment of Mooncups,
And I’ve organic and plain cotton pads,
There’s a press stud on the edge of the wing bits,
Grips yer knicker gusset right tight, they’re just mad!’
I’m a gal of the world in me 40’s,
But this language was alien to me,
What in the name of sweet Jesus is Mooncup?
And why are pads 15 quid for 3?
She explained their reusable status,
Mooncups sit very comfortably inside,
But the thing was the width of an egg cup,
Then I thought about willies, and said ‘That sounds fine’!
She said, ‘Best you go home and practice,
Get to grips with it before the time comes’,
I got shot of my lot for the evening,
Said it was me, Patrick Swayze and mum!
The pads were dead easy to put on,
Super thin, easy fix, no turmoil,
She assured me I wouldn’t have leakage,
And they wash at mid-temps, not a boil.
But the Mooncup sat there on the table,
Stared at me and I stared back at it,
How on earth was it going to go up there?
And come out, with blood inside, from me bits.
I had visions of the Texas chainsaw massacre,
Claret all over the loo walls and floor,
Then there was the job of rinsing the thing,
And sliding it back in and waiting for more!
I girded me loins, ripped me drawers off and opened the box,
You could just cut the tension,
It was like waiting for the nurse to go in with a speculum for a smear,
I could have sucked dry 20 Benson.
I checked curtains were drawn, put one leg on the chair and looked round,
Was just me and the cat,
I read, ‘Pinch the top for easy insertion’ then limply giggled,
Why was I being a twat?
With a mirror poised under the table,
And a pile of clean towels on the chair,
I thought this just isn’t going to happen,
I can’t get this thingie up there.
‘Oh just do it’, I yelled, right out loud to myself,
And I pressed together the silicone lips,
I took it down to where the sun don’t shine,
Lost me grip, twanged me nadge and yelled ‘Shit’!
I gave up, put the kettle on and reached for the custard cremes,
It was time for a break,
As the feeling returned to my inner and outer labia,
T’was soon time to try again.
With dry fingers I did as the instructions explained,
And it slid right on in with no hitch,
Twist it around to fit comfortably snug in your bits,
And I did; clever chick!
But getting it in’s only half of the game,
I’ll walk about, and whip it out, in a mo,
Then the phone went, was me mum, ‘Was I supposed to come around’ she said,
And I laughed and said, ‘No’.
‘Look I’ll pop over’ I said,
Grabbed the keys and the pads and receipt, I know, I’ll liberate her!
But my mums better switched onto the eco than I thought,
She’d just found a recycling scheme for vibrators!
So we giggled about the new pads and the cup,
And I realised I’d forgotten it was in there,
I went up to the loo, grabbed the tail, popped it out,
Easy stuff; no more wotsits for me now.
(C) Tracey Smith 2011
Incidentally, if you’d like more information on the wonderful Mooncup, please visit Moon Times (and for washable sanitary wear)
GO FOR IT GIRL!
I use both and wish I’d known about them years ago…