I love you but I wish you knew more about what happens to me when I have my period every month.
I wish you knew that I’m eating chocolate because my body is craving magnesium and not because I’ve got PMS and I’m miserable and I’m comfort eating (though sometimes its that too). And I wish you wouldn’t tease me about it or make snide comments about my weight.
I wish you knew that if I’m angry or tearful – or both! That its not personal, and rather than you getting angry back at me I need your understanding and your love. A hug and a few comforting words would be far better than you grumbling about how its that time of the month again. That said, sometimes I’m just having a bad day, it isn’t always PMS and you make me feel like my feelings don’t matter when you presume it must be because my period is due.
I wish you knew that my PMS would be better if the world didn’t expect me to carry on as normal, as though there is nothing happening in my body. I wish you knew that we have both been fed lies by the media that say I can do it all, including whizz down the road on rollerskates with a big grin on my face. I do carry on as normal but what I really want to do, what I really need to do is to take some time out, to let my body rest.
I wish you understood how painful my period can be, but it probably wouldn’t be so bad if I could rest and not pretend to be superwoman. If you knew that my womb swells up to more than twice its normal size and has to work really hard to get back to normal you would understand why its painful and why it makes me act a bit strange every month.
I wish you could see how much it hurts when you pull disgusted faces when you find my tampons in the cupboard, I wish you realised that your passing that on to our sons. Why should I be made to feel that something my body does is disgusting or bad? The thing that my body does that meant that I could create and bear our children?
I wish you knew that if I had the chance to make time for myself when my period comes that I would be happier, we would row less, I would be more creative and more satisfied with my life.
My husband, I wish you knew how different life could be if you would read this.
(c) Awen Clement – January 2015